Over the years I have watched a lot of movie that kind of think they are Tarantino movies. Bad Times at the El Royale, for instance, genuinely believed it was one (and I didn't hate it, but it wasn't incredible either). This movie feels like it started its life as a Tarantino Impersonator, but then changed its mind and thought "you know what, let's just add more jokes instead" when its serious/tryhard drama tone wasn't working out as well as they'd liked.

I completely fabricated this backstory about its production, but it's the Vibe that the movie gives; the movie is, if nothing else, all about Vibes, so it feels fair. Plot, characters (at least, the side ones), common sense and logic (where are all the train staff?? they are the least curious people in the entire world), all of it is subservient to the Vibe that any particular moment has. And that's fine! Just don't expect non-Vibes-based cinema here.

Ultimately, it is pretty relaxing to watch a dumb, non-serious action movie that isn't concerned with Franchising itself or pretending that it is in fact serious and important - it knows that it isn't, and it just decides to have some fun, instead. Not all the jokes work for me (but some do), and not all the "cool shit" works for me (but some of it does) and not all the charisma-driven quipping works for me (but some of it does) and the end product is in total a movie that seems Pretty Good. Also, it is very difficult to resist Hiroyuki Sanada in literally any role. My cat is named after one of his characters (Kaneda, from Sunshine, if you must know).

I know I'm a harsh numeric judge for someone who said earlier that this movie was Pretty Good, but please remember that this is well into the Positive range when I assign it a 6.5/10. Actually, since my partner liked it much more than I did, I will round it up to a 7.

Score: 7/10

IMDb: Bullet Train

PS: I barely managed to avoid the dreaded half-point rating. Will I break my rules and give a movie a non-whole-number score some day? I certainly will. But while I liked this movie, this was not the time. I must hold out. I must be strong.

PPS: This is another early/short review, so I'll add that since watching this I've read the book. It doesn't seem as interesting, probably because it feels less whimsical.