Unfortunately, the time has come for me to reveal how Uncultured I am, and how my attention span is that of a child. You see, I grew up in an era where, in movies, things happened. As a result it is very often hard to go back to much older movies where things do not happen. In fact it's pretty hard to watch some modern "real" cinema for the same reason, but it is much more obvious with something like Alfred Hitchcock. I have undermined my review credibility forever, I know. I must live with it.

This movie is not a "horror" movie and, in fact, does not even contain a murder in it, despite the title. It is, however, supposed to be suspenseful, and keep you worried about what's going to happen next, and whether justice will be served. It is so English, however, that even the villain is just a normal posh tennis lad who will offer you a brandy when you catch him. And it is so glacially paced as a result of the Nothing that is happening that I can't help but find it boring. It is not just this movie, either, but most Hitchcock, and in fact most Suspense Dramas. Give me more Kurosawa instead, where things usually do happen more than once a movie.

There is probably a lot of interesting cinematography or whatever going on here, and it would be kind of fascinating to see the movie as intended because that would mean in 3D, and I'd like to know what the 3D technology of that age looked like. At least it would give me something to do while I wait for endlessly long conversations to play out in which there is no character development and nothing is learned. I suppose ultimately one of the things that interests me most about the movie is that it takes place in essentially a single room, and I can easily imagine it being staged as a play; in fact it would probably be far better that way.

Score: 4/10

IMDb: Dial M for Murder

PS: I spent almost the entire moving noticing how English everyone else. So extremely English. Well, almost everyone. Mostly just the Detective, actually. God save the queen, cheerio. Thank god a proper tea was served at the crime scene.

PPS: Did you know that Grace Kelly was the Princess of Monaco? There was a time, possibly within your own lifetime, where basically everyone knew that. Well, now you know, too. It turns out 75 years is a very long time. The children of the 2050s will probably not really know who The Rock was, just that he was some Famous Old Guy.