Sometimes, I watch a movie because I think it has a chance to be great. Other times, I watch it because someone else I know really wants to see it. Most often, I watch movies where I think they'll most likely be bad but I hope to get some entertainment value out of them anyway. But this movie was a special exception: I watched this one because I thought it had all the tools to set a new Cinematic Floor, potentially matching or even surpassing Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Ultimate Edition (yes, I have to put the whole thing each time, it's part of the "charm"). Unfortunately, I was disappointed, as this movie was merely extremely bad.
It had a pretty "strong" opening - wildly, unbelievably bad CGI babies raining out of a building, with the Flash somehow tenderly touching their soft little heads at Flash speed but also not causing any bruising or damage. But it just couldn't keep up the pace, I'm afraid. The acting through the film wasn't THAT bad, at least if you are supposed to think Barry Allen is a colossal idiot. Michael Keaton choosing to play Batman as the Dude from the Big Lebowski was a pretty interesting choice, too, in a way that is actually creatively defensible! Certainly the highlight of the film in the non-poisoned-irony category.
The CGI remained pretty questionable but never reached the high of the baby scene, and the story went off the rails in a stupid nonsense way that is basically just the normal path of modern superhero movies. I truly don't have much to say about it; just another (somehow, again) standard defense of the Status Quo at all costs, in which whenever the "hero" tries to actually improve something in the world, instead it makes things worse, proving that you must never act; this is the ultimate through-line from the very first DCEU movie in which Pa Kent famously waves off Superman from saving his own life, because the concept of actually using your power to perform good acts is the exact opposite of what these movies are supposed to make us feel.
Score: 2/10
IMDb: The Flash
PS: It was extremely cowardly to not have Loser Incel Flash try to have sex with himself when he met him. I guarantee that is what would happen in real life.
PPS: I learned from a discussion of this movie that in addition the "Speed Force" which Flash connects to for his magic speed, there's also one for intelligence and one for strength. The entire movie would have made a lot more sense if the second Flash connected to the Sage Force (apparently the actual name) and gone from being absolute dumbass moron into being some kind of caricature of the idea of intelligence a la The Big Bang Theory.
