Have you ever found yourself longing for a sequel to a good movie which is just the exact same movie, but slightly worse? Well, I've got a great suggestion for you! OK, I've got many great suggestions for you, but one of those is Gladiator II. It is remarkable how precisely it echoes the original in every way, except simply not as good.
The main character goes through the exact same struggle (captured, made to fight in the colosseum, betrayed by the Rome he wishes existed but doesn't), but a little less interesting. He faces the same opposition (a wacky campy insecure Emperor), but a little less compelling. He achieves the same outcome (everyone dies, and The People revolt against the imperial overreach), but a little more undermined by the fact that now due to this movie you know that the original movie's didn't work and so this one probably won't work either.
Speaking of the Emperor(s), I cannot believe it is 2025 and they still insist on making them appear evil by being Effete Gays. It's so deeply ingrained in the ideas of Gladiator that this hyper-masculine fighter dude is the True Man, not these limp-wristed makeup-wearing libertines. And sure, "Strength and Honor" sounds a lot like a fascist thought-terminating cliche. But what can you do? You'd think we'd get over this at some point, but I suppose that's a lot to ask of a guy like Ridley Scott who is almost 90 years old.
And speaking of sexual orientation as morality, there is the bisexual-coded Denzel Washington character, conveniently right in the middle! Not as evil as the Emperors, but of course still evil, not good like the genetic Heterosexual Manhood passed on from Maximus to his son. I do admit, Denzel makes him very compelling, easily the highlight of the movie. If the rest of the movie lived up to him, it would be a worthy experience.
Instead, it's fine if you want to see an arena full of sharks and weird CGI baboons and the grandeur of fake Rome, but don't expect much more than that. The hope the irony of making a movie about the gratuitous debauchery of watching extreme violence in the arena but having that movie just be gratuitous purposeless violent spectacle itself is not lost on anyone.
Score: 5/10
IMDb: Gladiator II
PS: It is well known that there was a crazy script written for Gladiator 2 at one point, but it would be dereliction of duty not to bring it up anyway. In that movie, called Gladiator 2: Christ Killer, Russell Crowe returns from the dead (having died in the first movie) and is sent by the Roman Gods to exterminate Christianity. But instead he joins the Christians and becomes cursed to live forever, with a montage of major historical wars he's present in up until the present day where he works at the Pentagon (?) and the credits roll. This is what they have taken from you.
PPS: I like the original Gladiator as much as the next guy who thinks about the Roman Empire every day, but I still can't really believe it won Best Picture. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't have if it was an identical movie with medieval knights. Something about antiquity gives it a get-out-of-Genre-Fiction-free pass.
